Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
