I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
