Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
