maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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