i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I could fuck to npr.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
