Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
