I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
