At least make sure they are 18
Why
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
