I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
