he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
