we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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