I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
