don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
