Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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