I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
