I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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