Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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