Acid is not a monday night drug
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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