Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Randomize
