Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
