Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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