I wannas sexs uuuuu
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
