I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
