If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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