hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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