what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
