What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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