I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
