the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
