I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
