I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
