I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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