It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
