i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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