She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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