I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
