Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
