Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
