She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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