thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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