why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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