Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
