Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
