Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
