you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
