She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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