I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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