I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
