Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
