Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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