I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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