so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
