Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
