Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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