last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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