Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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