No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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