OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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