So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
