That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
