i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
