I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
