he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
