i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
