Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
