Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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