I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
