I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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