my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I look better un-naked...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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