Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
