like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
