the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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