she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
