I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
