you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
