my mouth tastes like poor choices
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
