I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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