Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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