i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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