That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
