there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
