I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
