yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
