How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I love you.
Bad choice
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
