Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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