Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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