My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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