I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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