I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i dont even know how to be here
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
3 2 1 whiskey
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
