I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
