I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How naked do you want me to be?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
