you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
