why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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