You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
