Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
