he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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