im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
